Not to be negative but I am really freaking out… Today I had a panic attack. Today I started hyperventilating and couldn’t calm myself down. Today it all became very real.
I was on a walk and decided to call my friend whose son also has Williams Syndrome and just recently had open-heart surgery. The minute she picked up the phone I felt my throat closing in. I felt like I had a large knot filling up my throat and I couldn’t catch my breath. I realized that next week, next Thursday Parker is having open-heart surgery. This month has gone by so fast. I honestly didn’t realize that it is happening next week until I took a few minutes to myself and went for a walk. I started second guessing our decision. Questioning why are we doing this? He seems so healthy. He is so happy. What if something happened? I could never forgive myself. I sat down in the middle of the park and cried. This really is the most difficult thing I have ever had to deal with. I called my husband in a complete panic and he helped calm me down.
Luckily I also had an appointment with my therapist. She said that if I am questing why we are doing this then I need to call Parkers Doctor and ask, so I did. Dr. Badron said she 100% feels like Parker needs the surgery. It’s the perfect time to do it now because he’s healthy. She described it like a plumber coming to your house and telling you that you have a pipe that’s going to explode and flood your whole house if you don’t fix it. Would you wait until the pipe explodes or would you fix it as soon as possible to avoid the flood? That definitely made me feel more confident. But I am still scared as hell. She said Parker would be there for 7-10 days if he has absolutely no complications. So my big dreams of being home by Monday are just big dreams.
I’m not trying to have a pity party but..Why?? Why is this happening to us? Why did my sweet little boy get chosen to have a harder life then all the other kids? Why have we been chosen to endure such pain? I cant stand when people say that we were chosen because we can handle it because any parent I know would do anything for their babies. Anyone I know would step up in the most challenging times.. Why? Because, you have no choice, we have no choice.
On a very positive note I decided to finally post on Facebook about Parker and his Williams Syndrome. The outpouring of love and support has been AMAZING. I honestly couldn’t believe how many people reached their hands and hearts out to help us. So many people shared stories of their heart surgeries or their kids surgeries. I had a friend from High School who I haven’t seen in 20 years offer to help with our care at CHLA. Making sure Parker is in the best hands and we are taken care of. I had college friends text and message me in tears offering support and prayers. I have neighbors offering to set up meals for us. One of my best friends set up t-shirts for friends and family to buy showing support for our family. My brother in law designed the t-shirts. I thought about 50 -75 shirts would be bought.. We sold over 140!! And most importantly my best friend from high school is donating blood for Parker’s blood transfusion!
The love we have received will never be forgotten. We feel it and we are grateful.
9 days from today… I’m really not sure how I’m going to make it.