The Weight Of The World

It’s heavy, it hurts, and it’s too much to carry..   The weight of the world feels like its on our shoulders and I feel like I could crumble. We are making plans for open-heart surgery for our 1.5-year-old baby boy.   Words I never imagined I would have to say.

This week we have had the pressure of deciding between two hospitals and two amazing Surgeons.  CHLA & Rady’s Children’s Hospital.   We have heard great things about both surgeons.  We have heard great things about both hospitals. CHLA is 2+ hours on a good day.  I have always felt the most comfortable at CHLA.  Maybe because its a big hospital, maybe because its in a huge city.  I have always felt like we are in good hands there.  I have heard Dr. Starnes  (CHLA) is the best heart Surgeon on the West Coast.  Rady’s is 15 min from our home. Dr. Lombardi is also an amazing surgeon.  They have repaired 10 hearts like Parkers (SVAS) in the last 4 years.  CHLA has performed 100’s.

It’s so much pressure.  The pressure of making the right decision.  Having to go with our gut feeling.  Making sure our gut feeling is the right feeling for our baby boy’s life.  We are worried about Preston and want to make sure he feels happy and not alone or lonely.  We worry if he will feel abandoned because we are all away from him.   He is in a phase where he is very attached to us and gets very upset when we leave the house even to do the smallest things.

Parker seems so healthy.  It’s hard to imagine what we are about to do such major surgery on a little boy who doesn’t seem sick.  He’s so happy.  He is into everything.  He loves to play with his brother. He loves to read books.  He loves to eat.  He loves anything that’s not healthy.  He loves carbs.  He loves sweets.  He is an angel that has blessed our lives in a way that is unimaginable.

So we made the decision, CHLA.   After the hospital changing the surgery date on us a couple times we are back to the date that we originally wanted.  July 30, 2015.  Just about 1 month from today.   They say we will be in the hospital for about 5-7 days.   I know everyone who takes the time to read this blog has an interest in Parker.  I know that most who read this are our closest friends and family.  I am asking for Prayers, lots of prayers, that our family gets through this and that God watches over Parker and the surgeons.  I pray that they don’t switch our surgery date again.  I pray that Preston has so much fun while we are gone that he barely notices.  I pray that he understands as much as he can, that we have to fix his brothers broken heart and we will back as soon as we can.  I pray that Tucker and I have the strength to make it though the surgery day,  Most likely the hardest day of our lives.

We will get though this.  He is strong.  We will get through this and look back at this with a sense of relief knowing this nightmare is finally over.   I dream of that day.



  1. Sending all our love and best wishes to your family!!! Please let us know whatever we can do to help out during this week, especially helping Preston have lots of fun while you’re gone. I’ll connect with Cassie to arrange some play dates!

  2. We are thinking of y’all every day and can only imagine the worry that is weighing so heavily on you. Let’s schedule lots of play dates for Preston and Evan!

  3. All I can say is that I know exactly how you feel and, yes, one day soon you will look back and the surgery will be behind you — and you will breathe a sigh of relief. Prayers and hugs and much love sent your way! xoxo


  4. Praying for my Little Dude, we are here for all the support you need. Be strong and brave. Let me know if u need help with Preston. XOXO

  5. You guys are doing such a great job. This will all be behind your family very soon and you will be able to breath again. We are here for you guys – whatever you need. Stay strong. We love you.

  6. Prayers are with your family everyday from us! You guys are doing an amazing job and you have an amazing family. One day at a time… one foot in front of the other…we are here for you guys if you need Anything!

  7. i pray for you and your adorable family all the time and will continue to do so. I wish I wasn’t so far away so I could help more. xoxoxo!!!

  8. Lori and I are praying for all of you, we love you lots and we are looking forward to seeing you soon. Love you.

  9. Trust your gut…you really do know what is best. This will all be behind you soon. We are here to support you in any way possible and can certainly help out with fun time for Preston while your gone. Stay strong. You continue to inspire! Hugs!

  10. Hi Sarah
    I’ve read all of your blog posts this morning. I dont know what to say other than I feel for how this all must feel for you. How difficult it is on so many levels. I’ll be back in LA 6/31. I would like to come by CHLA but I don’t want to intrude if it’s a difficult or the wrong time

  11. Please let us know if you guys need anything while at CHLA (or any other time). Sending love and strong, positive thoughts and prayers your way!

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